How many motherfarking months have I not updated my blog lol
Dasyat nye.. Oh well I've decided to start blogging again, for some reason.
I don't really mind if nobody reads my posts, actually all the better cause I'm going to let everything out here, no boundaries.

I've been feeling kinda empty lately. I can't explain it, there's just this emptiness in me. Maybe it's because I miss my girls, maybe because I miss school, maybe even because I've been craving for love maybe. Chey so cheesy but really I don't know what it is but I'm not as happy as I used to be.
So many things running in my mind this instant.

It's just so complicated you know, this love thing to me. I want to meet someone new yet I'm holding back, don't know why. Actually I know very damn well why. I honestly feel so frustrated, confused, sad, overwhelmed every other emotion that you can think of. Is it possible to really love someone for who they are, just for their personality? Not looks, authority, education, social level, money, gender even. Is it? If it is then why does it have to be so damn complicated? Is it just a phase? I don't know, what I feel inside me is so strong I can't hold it in and I can't let it out either.

So what's this? I feel so damn conflicted, I'm trying and so far it doesn't feel the same. Even the highest respect bestowed upon my religion, I just can't shake off this fact. Or can I? Do you know how it feels like, to constantly have to hide, have to lie, have to pretend, have to deny, have to follow, have to be the way that everyone is but all you know, deep inside that heart of yours' that you're lying to yourself. Its hurts so bad, but what power do I have. I can't do anything about it. Do I have to wait and wait to see if it changes but until when? Or do I try to change myself and what good does that bring me and that person?

I don't know when I'm going to figure this out but with all my heart, I hope I do.