I did a medical check up lately mainly for the poly admission. So mafan leh, need all these documents and shit just to go into tertiary education aiyoo.
Well anyway, got sidetracked a bit haha, I was curious to know how much I weighed.
I've been basically overweight all the way from primary 4 I think? All the way to mid of sec 4.
So about 5 years. I used to not care about what I looked like. Pretty much a tomboy, short bob hair, jeans, t-shirt, very raw you can say.

As I grew up, I feel more insecure with myself. I remember vividly this moment I was in the van, on the way to madrasah. This girl I think 2 years older than I am told me, "You better lose weight, because in secondary school you will get bullied alot." I was primary 5 then.
I just laughed and shook off that comment, but inside my head I knew it was somewhat true.
But thankfully I didn't get bullied in secondary school.
In sec one I wasn't that tall but when I reached sec 4 I was like way way taller than most of the guys in my batch.

Okay back-track to sec 2. I knew I wasn't attractive or anything so I very well know that no guys won't even glance at me. And I didn't have a crush on anyone either, like a major serious crush. Well okay one, but just for a while just lust.
No boys caught my attention, I repeat no boys. Yeah of course some boys I know are attractive but I didn't have that kind of feelings towards them. At all. Why is that? I kept asking myself that question, I didn't have an answer. Back then, even now kinda. On the other hand, girls.. Save that for later.

In secondary 3 then I started to lose a lot of weight. And I was determined to lose weight, but still I don't really care how I looked. At the end of secondary school, I lost quite a few kilos. Enough for my family members to notice. Then cum just a few months ago from now, I started to be interested in looking good, appealing whatever you call it. Started to wear make up lah, contacts lah you know all the normal girls stuff. Now I look in the mirror, I'm still not satisfied with my body, I'm at a healthy weight now but I still want to cut off that excess bulkiness you know. Just want to feel good, confident, comfortable with myself now that I'm going into poly. I feel myself maturing a lot. Physically and mentally.

I weighed 75 and dropped to 68 now. I know it very typical and annoying, social image, degrading generation whatever but I really want to go down to a 60. And I'm determined to get to that goal weight. I'm going to keep track of that on this blog and hopefully get there. Sooner or later.