Lately I’ve been feeling rather empty.

I don’t feel warmth, or anything that could possibly give me a tinge of hope that I’m someone special, in anyone’s life.

Maybe so, but I don’t know. I just feel empty for some reason.

Maybe because after all this years, I still haven’t found the true meaning of love.

Never really got the chance to experience it first hand.

But then again, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t even feel pretty.

Maybe I’m not attractive enough for anyone to even consider dating me.

What more than to just glance and me. And even for the slightest moment thinks that I’m pretty. I’ve never got that attention, that feeling when you get when you know someone likes you, someone admires you, someone really wants to be with you.

Then again, this society is a very fucked up place. People will judge you based on how you look. If they don’t like your exterior, don’t even think that they’ll try to get to know for who you are inside. For all you know, you’ll be pushed aside, all alone feeling like trash. No matter how hard you try to say that you look at personality, you will always be blinded by pretty faces.

No doubt about that, even I’m like that so I can’t really blame anyone else for thinking that way towards me.

But I really crave that feeling. When will I ever get a partner?

Now that’s another sticky situation. I’m still trying to figure out myself.

What do I like really? Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone at all.

Maybe, maybe not. I’m so conflicted, what do I do?

I want to love and be loved, who doesn’t right? But honestly, deep in my heart I ask myself, who wants me?

Is there even anyone, just anyone even considered wanting to be with me?

Even for the slightest moment looked at me sincerely, adoringly. I don’t know, is it just me?

Should I wait, well I’m waiting, but for how much longer? There’s just so much that I can take.

All the people around me who has their special someone, I’m so jealous of them.

I feel so dark and low every time I think about it.

Maybe I need to lose some weight; maybe if I tried hard enough, I can be as pretty as those girls out there.

I’m trying but every time I look at them, I get so bashed and my self-esteem just plunged a hundred miles down.

I’m not photogenic, I don’t look good in most of the clothing I have, I’m not the most stylish person out there, I’m not the most confident one.

Instead what am I? I’m unbearably shy around new people, I have such a low self-esteem, I constantly worry about how people would see me, I have fat thighs, I have a chubby face.

I used to like the attention when all my friends come up to me and pinch my cheeks saying I’m cute and adorable and what not.

But I’m tired, I’m tired of always being remembered as that cute girl.

A cute girl can only stay in one’s mind for so long, I want to be that pretty girl that everyone admires, that girl that has all the eyes on her when she walks into a room.

When is that? When can I be that girl?

People treat you nicer when you’re prettier, don’t they?